Be the Tall Poppy

 

A deeply held meme in this culture is to not be too happy.

It stems from the messages of “you only matter so much.”  “Think of others first.”

The issue with the notion of “think of others first” is that, when considered through logically, it is irrational and inauthentic.  It keeps many in a state of “sort of happy.”

I might be ridiculed for holding such a position.  “That’s selfish, you’re a jerk.”  I invite us to differentiate the word “selfish” from “narcissistic.” If I only think of myself to the point of never considering the feelings and needs of others, is that in my self-interest?  If I am unable to make friends and business partners because I don’t care about offering value to them, is that in turn benefiting me?

Not to mention, it simply feels good to be truly generous.

On the flip side, if I constantly self-sacrifice (meaning, I don’t really want to do something but I do it to comply with this “noble” ethic), I am not only draining my internal resources, I’m helping others inauthentically.  Do you really want to accept assistance, gifts, and support from people who, deep down, would prefer *not* to provide it?

These messages are internalized in childhood and it’s why few people are truly *overjoyed* to be alive.   The worry is,  if I truly pursue my interests, if I truly say ‘yes’ when I want to say ‘yes,’ say ‘no’ when I want to say ‘no,’ if I am too happy, I will be considered an immoral person.

In other words, if you try to be The Tall Poppy, others will try to knock you down.

I assert that my empathy for others has only grown via my self-improvement/self-knowledge pursuits throughout my 20’s.  Specifically, I’ve explored psychotherapeutic exercises connecting to the child and teenage selves within me.  This powerful process of healing and self-connection has blown up my self-empathy bubble.  I care about myself deeply and continue to develop uninhibited joy.  By extension, I am better able to consider the perspectives and circumstances of others.

Let’s evolve beyond the dichotomy of altruism and selfishness.  Enlightened self-interest not only includes genuine care for others, it is a prerequisite.

Pursue sky-rocketing happiness.  Others might catch on. 🙂