The fourth pillar of Nathaniel Branden’s 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem is Living Assertively. In short, this means saying “yes” when you want to say “yes,” and “no” when you want to say “no.”
Let’s focus on the latter.
Being nice and kind rather than honest is typical in American culture. People-pleasing is everywhere. A part of me is a people pleaser, and I’ve worked to understand that part of me so that it’s not always in the center of my psychological living room. I continue to work on it.
People don’t want others’ feelings to get hurt. Fine. But really? Maybe it’s that you don’t want to feel uncomfortable, you don’t want to feel guilty, and you haven’t yet unpacked the reasons behind those emotions.
You are not responsible for the feelings of others. You are responsible for your own. If people feel uncomfortable because you’re honest, they’ll likely be upset at first, then thank you later. Ultimately, people appreciate honesty.
So stop agreeing to take on another project you don’t really want to do. Stop agreeing to hang out with people you don’t want to hang out with. Stop smiling at people when you don’t really mean it. Stop swallowing your emotions and sitting on your needs.
Just say no. And don’t apologize. And don’t feel obligated to say why.
Life’s too damn short.
And it’s your life.
JB
