“Affirmations don’t work” is probably a thought you’ve had before. Or, at least, you’ve heard someone else say it.
Why is this so common? Why do so many people struggle to have success with saying positive and healthy statements to themselves?
Well, for one, positive affirmations have a reputation as self-help fluff, (as hilariously depicted in the old Stuart Smalley Saturday Night Live skits….”I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!). Fair enough….I mean, if anything gets the gold medal for self-help fluff, it’s probably positive affirmations.
After all, standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself “I’m awesome,” is about as stereotypical as it gets.
So, it’s understandable that a part of you would see them as “silly.”
On top of that, people who try to write or say affirmations often struggle to see them stick. They try to build self-acceptance and self-love by consciously telling themselves empowering statements. They might feel better for a few minutes, but then the negative emotions, disempowering inner critics, and self-hating voices start to come back up for the rest of the day.
No wonder affirmations get a bad rap.
Why Affirmations Don’t Work
But here’s a new angle on WHY they don’t work for many people.
Most people have opposing, negative limiting beliefs buried in their subconscious mind. So, adding a positive affirmation on top becomes akin to spraying dog crap with some air freshener. It might help for a few minutes, but you never solve the problem.
To use myself as an example, for years I would write down the affirmation “I am enough,” in my daily journal. It never seemed to do anything, but I kept it up, hoping over time I could convince myself of my “enoughness.”
But then, I realized a key reason for my struggle. A subconscious part of me was holding onto the opposite belief, “I’m NOT enough.”
Exploring more deeply, I connected to this part of me and learned that it was stemming from a childhood trauma, a deeper wound.
Once I employed an effective method to connect with this deeply wounded part of me that believed “I’m not enough,” then I became free. I helped that part of me see that the belief it had created was not actually true, but rather it was meaning given to navigate through and cope with a childhood event.
As soon as this subconscious part of me realized that “I’m not enough” literally was a made up story, rather than an absolute truth about reality, I released it forever, and the negative emotions that came along with it.
After that, not only did the negative belief “I’m not enough” feel ridiculous to me, the affirmation “I AM enough” could actually serve a purpose. Saying it now feels much more enriching and valuable, because there is no subconscious, oppositional energy that views it as nonsense.
I’ve since done this with hundreds of others negative beliefs, in the areas of not only self-worth, but money, relationships, work-ethic, and more. It’s safe to say that letting go of beliefs at the root has completely transformed my life. In a way, I’ve “decluttered” my mind. It is way quieter.
Pairing Affirmations With Negative Beliefs
Here are some examples of both affirmations and their possible opposing, negative beliefs. Feel free to test these out yourself, to find out in what ways they resonate with you. Tune in to your body and your feelings as you read these statements.
Affirmation: “Money flows to me easily.”
Negative Belief: “Making money is hard.”
Affirmation: “I express myself fully.”
Negative Belief: “It’s not safe to express myself.”
Affirmation: “I trust those I work with.”
Negative Belief: “I can’t trust other people.”
Affirmation: “I allow myself time to rest.”
Negative Belief: “I’m not worthy of self-care.”
How did the affirmation statements feel to you? When you said the affirmation, it might have felt somewhat hopeful and empowering. But…. you may have also noticed dissonant energy deep down, signaling that a part of you didn’t want to accept that affirmation.
How did the negative belief statements feel? When you said the negative belief to yourself, if you felt a heaviness somewhere in your body, that’s an indication that deep down a part of you is holding onto that negative story.
The Last Word on Affirmations
So…. what’s the last word on affirmations?
Well, it still can be useful to do affirmations on their own. But if you want lasting results, you’ll need to do the deep work to clear out the opposing limiting beliefs.
You’ll need to clear out the dog crap.
Then, you can add all the air freshener you want.
To learn more about how limiting beliefs are formed during childhood, see episodes 6-8 of my podcast, The Joel Bein Show, where I talk about personal development, ideas, education, and new paradigms for humans. You can also read how to quickly clear out a negative belief in my guide, 5 Steps to End Negative Self-Talk.
