I just got back from walking to the grocery store. After I had gathered my items, I went to go check out and noticed there was a fairly long line, as there was only one register open. The Grumpy (20 sec.) part of me, who loves efficiency, was certainly displeased, but I took my place in line. Then another employee came up to open a new register – “Next person in line please.” Hurray! The previously long line was now to be split in half! But which new line would move fastest?
After a few others in front of me made their own decisions, my System 1 thinking (Wiki) went through a quick analysis, considering number of people in line vs. number of items in shopping carts. I chose the line that had fewer people, but more items in each cart, figuring the transaction time to run credit cards would be the deciding factor.
I was wrong, and Grumpy’s agitation returned.
“Man this sucks! I hate waiting! This is messing up my plans to maximize my downtime on my Monday evening! Gahh!”
A deeper, calmer, and wiser voice then spoke. This was an opportunity. An opportunity to practice patience. An opportunity to find breathe, to develop the muscle that separates stimulus from response. To develop perspective. I thought back to the famous David Foster Wallace speech (22 min.) that inspired me so much when I read it in 2009, which referenced this very scenario. I then noticed I was holding a pear in my hand. How incredible that I get to eat a pear that traveled thousands of miles to arrive three blocks from my house for me to purchase for a dollar! Gratitude replaced grumpiness.
After a subsequent pleasant interaction with the stranger (15 min.) at the cash register, I walked home, excited to share the experience in a new blog post. I envisioned writing while eating my coconut-rolled dates, and listening to Billie Holiday Pandora. You know, the good life.
Then I found my wifi wasn’t working. No Pandora available.
After getting an earful from Grumpy about the lack of solid infrastructure in New Orleans, I remembered I might have a Billie Holiday album in my monstrous iTunes library that I often neglect. Sure enough, that was the case, and Billie joined me, ad-free.
All of this boils down to choosing your response in any given set of circumstances (1 min.). What makes humans beautiful is this volitional capacity. Our ability to choose the lens through which we view the world, to choose our attitudes, to think consciously, to empower ourselves. We have so much personal power, it gives me joy just thinking about it.
I’ve developed these volitional muscles over the past few years, and I look forward to continuing to grow. Here are a few other influences that have contributed in shifting my perceptions.
– Developing a 5-10 minute daily meditation habit starting in 2014
– Reading Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is the Way last summer
– Doing the Five-Minute Journal since February
Which lens do you choose?
Cheers,
Joel
I’ve often felt about my gut reactions to certain situations, too, such as being stuck in traffic when heading from MA/CT down to NJ again. Then, and in other moments where I feel like my choice/decision is rendered powerless to affect a situation, I tell myself to try to make the most of it. Indeed, with my students I also try to impart a similar wisdom on them, amidst all the whiners and complainers: "Even if you don’t like/think you will like an experience, try to reflect on it and come up with one GOOD thing you can take from it." I have been trying to live by this statement for a few years now, and I’m glad to say it’s become an integral part of me, regularly there (and even, on occasion, in the check-out line). Your post reminded me of this.
-Pong
Absolutely.
Recently I’ve heard stories of Viktor Frankl in a concentration camp, actually finding ways to maintain a sense of humor. It’s always possible to find the good!