When you are vulnerable, the potential to connect with people exists.
When you hide your authentic self from someone because you are afraid of ridicule, shame, or discomfort, you are eliminating the possibility of true connection. You may connect in other, superficial ways, but there is no possibility of he or she accepting, embracing, and appreciating that true self. When you remain in your cocoon, you’ll never quite fly.
Why hide?
If you are simply expressing what is important to you, what you think about a current event, or what values you have, and that person judges you for it, why would you spend time with that person? It might make sense in a professional situation, but in a personal relationship, why avoid self-expression? As the wonderful saying goes:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
I don’t mean everyone always agrees with you. But is your relationship predicated upon avoiding the discussion of ideas you find valuable, or suppressing the communication of your feelings? If a person is truly a caring friend or family member, that person will care about the real you. Be yourself around those who are considered loved ones. If they mind, they aren’t worth having around. If they don’t mind, and they accept and appreciate who you truly are, they just may be worth keeping.
I’m talking about the deepest, inner you. Your inner 3-year old who asks questions, who dances in the park, who’s uninhibited with authenticity. Never in the history of humanity has there been another you, nor will another you ever exist. Embrace this, and your capacity for meaningful relationships will blossom.
It’s more difficult to find people who truly appreciate you if your words spark conflict. Consider, however, that the path to connection is to lean into that conflict, that pain, that honesty. If instead, throughout your life, you wear a mask, you hide that glorious, unique self for the sake of comfort, you’ll later experiencing a greater discomfort: arriving at your deathbed with regret.
Celebrate your existence. You matter. 🙂
