It’s easy to assume you need to do more to show you are listening to your friend, partner, or colleague. You think:
Make eye contact
Nod my head
Say, “uh-huh”
And then, to be an even better person, you give suggestion x, and complimentary thought y. You need to contribute and enhance the conversation, you see!
But what if less is more?
Maybe you don’t need to make eye contact (men often converse best while driving). Maybe you can just be still. Maybe you can just be present.
Take in the other person’s words. Soften, and allow 100% of your being to absorb the other’s communication. Allow the other person the platform to speak, to relax without worrying about interruption.
Then, trust your intuition in finding an authentic, opportune moment in which to respond. When you do so, consider three types of responses:
1) Without adding new information, summarize the person’s statement via your own fresh angle. This not only gives the other person a new perspective, it meets their needs for visibility, and to be heard.
2) Play off what you hear by asking clarifying questions to gain better understanding. Ask him or her to define certain terms and language. This truly shows you’re paying attention, and it assists the person in working out solutions on their own.
3) Empathize, rather than suggest a solution:
Example:
Person 1: “I just want to get out the door in the morning without rushing.”
Person 2: “That’s totally frustrating.”
People want to be heard, they desire autonomy in solution-finding, and they seek empathy.
Build those bridges, and build those connections.
Trying hard isn’t required, only presence.
Cheers,
Joel
