Secure attachment is missing from many of our lives.
We are often insecurely attached.
For as children, we were dependent upon our parents for survival, no matter how they treated us, no matter how few our needs were met.
So we attached to them.
The question is, did we securely attach or insecurely attach?
Secure attachment would include receiving:
– curiosity about who you are as a person, and your feelings and needs
– unconditional love and support, even if you were distraught, or made a mistake
– visibility – mirroring and reflecting back what you say, do, and who you are
– negotiation and honesty – not power-over and evasion
Tragically, this is rare.
Of course there is a spectrum – secure/insecure is not black and white.
But we have the power to crow-bar this thing. To plant seeds so the next generation receives maximum secure attachment.
The first step is to re-parent yourself.
See what’s alive deep down.
Do kind things for yourself.
Nurture your own needs.
Process your past. Feel your feelings.
For only when you are integrated with your child self, can you offer unconditional positive regard for your small person in your midst.
Re-parenting yourself is a long journey that may never end.
Take the first bite of the elephant.
Attachment
