Bronnie Ware, author of the Top Five Regrets of the Dying, presents a paradox.
The first regret of the dying is:
“I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.”
Yet, in her TED Talk, she notes that living regret-free means “cleansing certain relationships in your life.”
Aha! Opposing Truths. How do we calibrate this one?
That’s a billion dollar question. Here’s my take:
Speak your truth. Say what you think and feel. Be real. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
AND, be conscientious about staying in touch. Be rooted to your deathbed self so you don’t unwittingly lose a meaningful connection.
But don’t keep in touch with people for the sake of keeping in touch.
If you are wedded to a rule or duty to “not lose touch with friends” out of fear of regret, then you are acting for the wrong reason.
As each party grows and evolves (which is inevitable), the question becomes, does this relationship continue to bring me value? Is my True Self celebrated?
If so, keep in touch! If not, have the courage to make space for new relationships.
It’s subtle.
The key is to – as needed – question and audit* your connections.
If someone really is uplifting you, such an audit only strengthens the bond.
*How to audit? Ask yourself, if I unexpectedly saw this person at the mall, would my involuntary reaction be positive, neutral, or negative?
