Quick EQ lesson….
The following are NOT actual feelings:
“I feel betrayed.”
“I feel undervalued.”
“I feel judged.”
“I feel corrected.”
“I feel stupid.”
“I feel appreciated.”
The following ARE actual feelings:
“I feel hurt.”
“I feel disconnected.”
“I feel furious.”
“I feel guarded.”
“I feel annoyed.”
“I feel gleeful.”
The difference? The first list *mixes feelings with evaluation.*
So instead of “I feel undervalued,” a more accurate sentence might be: “I feel disconnected because I think I am undervalued.”
This unwraps the feeling from the evaluation and allows the speaker to take full responsibility for their experience.
Communicating this way is in your self-interest because the other party will be less likely to be triggered.
